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Relations: where is the line between compulsion and open feelings


Perhaps this is one of the most popular questions on the Internet forums. Among the answers, the following statement leads: if you like a person, then he is persistent, and if not, then obsessive. So how do you understand that your behavior is beyond what is permitted?

Olga Beskrovnaya September 21, 2018

Suppression of will

If you are trying to force someone to do something against his will, and even accompany it with boring, then you can be called an obsessive person. Some men allow themselves to put pressure on beautiful ladies at the first meeting. They follow the rule: if a woman says no, then that means yes. It simply does not occur to them that the motive for refusal may be completely different. Perhaps the girl is not against a date, but the time, place or name of the film confuses her. The same applies to young ladies who insist on meetings in expensive restaurants or offer gentlemen to go shopping with them. What if the young man really liked you, but he has temporary difficulties and cannot take you to one of the most luxurious places in the city. Therefore, before continuing to impose your opinion, find out what you would like to someone you call on a date.

Terror messages

In the age of information technology, people are in touch with each other 24 hours a day. Therefore, it often seems to us that if we just sent a message, then the answer should come immediately. If you have not written an SMS in the next few minutes, then this is not a reason to flood a person with a mountain of questions in all possible social networks and instant messengers. Moreover, such behavior will not save you from ignoring, but rather cause irritation and unwillingness to continue communication with you.

Apply without invitation

An uninvited guest is worse than a Tatar! Have you heard such a saying? Of course, you should not invade the personal space of a person, unless, of course, he himself did not invite you. After all, you don’t want to catch the object of your dreams, not in full dress, but asleep and in your housecoat. In addition, guests may already be in the apartment, the landlady or landlord may be busy cleaning, and you never know what the person’s plans for the day are. That's when you have a relationship, then you will come to visit without demand.

Guardian Behavior

If a girl refuses that the guy will see her off or meet her, then he should not be imposed. The same can be said about regular shifts near the porch or work. You are not a mad fan of some superstar who is ready to follow her idol around the clock. It is one thing when you are already quite close in communication, and quite another - the constant pursuit of a stranger. What is this if not obsession?

Tactile contact

Everyone has personal space, and it is protected quite carefully. Someone does not like when they take his cup, someone cannot stand the touch of strangers. Of course, there are people who like fast rapprochement, but this happens only with mutual sympathy. For example, if a woman has not yet decided whether she likes the man or not, then an attempt at any physical contact is likely to repel her.

What is perseverance?

Even if you were refused, then this is not a reason to immediately give up. Women like persistent men, but not intrusive, mind you. Moreover, in life it is not the smartest and most beautiful people who win, but those who stopped trying and found ways to achieve the goal. This universal principle also works in personal life. Persistence consists in taking steps towards and taking into account each other's interests. Of course, one must not forget that perseverance is a quality that adorns men and very rarely says goodbye to women.

Persistence is a quality that adorns men and very rarely forgives women

Show interest in hobbies - this is probably the only type of perseverance that will adorn a woman. If you really want to win the heart of your chosen one, then you should ask what he loves and what pastime he prefers. For example, if a man is a fan of bowling, then you have every chance to spend an evening with him by playing a game or two in this game. It is not necessary at the same time to do what you do not like. Try to find common interests and do not try to reproach that in order to spend time together, you had to give up everything. Nobody forced you.

A man can take the situation into his own hands, call, prepare surprises, invite on dates, give flowers and gifts, because he is a conqueror and thus he expresses himself and his sympathy. For a woman, such persistence is, of course, unacceptable.

Obsession is ...

Elena Kuznetsova defined the obsession as follows: ignorance of the measure, lack of tact and the manifestation of egoism - all together. In real life, obsession manifests itself in repeated repetition of the same situation. Moreover, actions are carried out rapidly, one by one, with virtually no time intervals.

A typical example. At the stage of winning a partner, a woman (or a man) thinks up a situation in order to remain alone with the object of adoration. For example, a young lady asks her to give a ride. Once such a situation "rolls". The next day, this request can also "ride", taking into account the upbringing of the young man. For the third time, the same request will look inappropriate and intrusive, and the man will most likely simply refuse the lady.

Another example: a woman offers a young man to go to the cinema, but receives a refusal. The lady may think that she is simply not needed by the man, and will no longer offer anything so as not to be imposed.

A wiser woman will do otherwise. She will stand a pause of a week or two and repeat the proposal for a joint trip somewhere. And there are two options: a man will either agree or refuse again. In the second case, we can already conclude that he is really not interested in the lady.

But in the situation described above, the woman with her offers did not look intrusive, because some time passed between her offers, during which she might have met with the subject of her interest in other circumstances, for example, at work, and saw the man’s reaction to her person, could evaluate this very reaction.

“Imposing is a package of actions that are being carried out swiftly, that is, an attempt to“ cram ”the entire campaign of conquest, which should last several months, in one day. The imposition has a short-term period, ”the psychologist emphasizes.

When you are in a relationship ...

At the stage of conquering a man or woman, one must act very subtly so as not to frighten away the object of passion. When people are in a relationship, they feel more confident, but here another danger may lie in wait - the belief that having a partner gives them the right to tightly control it. For example, arrange interrogations or call at any time of the day.

A typical situation is when a woman and a man agree to phone, and the man should call first. A woman breaks the agreement and begins to get her partner out with calls with statements like: “I'm tired of waiting, you promised to call me tomorrow, and I decided tonight. And in general, I tried to reach you, you did not pick up the phone. I tried again to get through ... ". This is a classic imposition. It is important to treat your partner with reverence, compromise, and be able to hear your beloved.

Another example: a man and a woman agree in the morning to go to a restaurant for dinner in the evening. Before they could part, the lady called: “See you tonight?” An hour later - again: "Is everything in force?" An hour later: “Have you already chosen a restaurant?” And so on - hourly calls throughout the day.

“There is no need to“ get ”a partner with endless personal calls. Frequent calls are justified only if you are solving some business issues, ”says Kuznetsova.

The psychologist also notes that it is always important to carefully monitor the response of the partner - how quickly he answered, for example, to your call or message.

“Women really like to take phraseology away. Men often by nature respond briefly. And here the young lady must try to do everything in a dosed manner, wait for the reaction of the partner. For example, she took the initiative, asked something, the man should answer her. After that, if a woman still has some questions, she should think about whether she calls her partner on time, maybe she should postpone the conversation, because her man is still at work and is not disposed to personal conversations. All these points must be subtly felt and taken into account, ”advises the consultant on interpersonal relations.

About male obsession ...

Most often, women who conquer men are called intrusive. Representatives of the stronger sex, persistently gaining passion, are counted as heroes. This is due to our mentality and upbringing.

Historically, a Russian man is the initiator of a relationship, and a woman should be glorified by her modesty, Kuznetsova notes. It just so happened that the lady, as a weaker creature, sits by the window and waits for her prince, who, after meeting his beloved, should look after her for a while and give her flower buttercups. And if the young lady does not fall into the arms of the prince, then for a man it is normal to persevere and achieve the favor of a woman.

However, the stronger sex are also intrusive. At the conquest stage, this can be manifested in the fact that they categorically do not want to hear the refusal and continue to push even after the woman has said several times in plain text that she does not want a relationship.

When people are in union, a man’s obsession can manifest itself in hyper-custody of a lady. There are representatives of the stronger sex who call their girlfriend hourly and ask her if she has eaten, whether she is warmly dressed, whether she has wet her legs, and so on. Perhaps some of the young ladies will like such an excessive care, but to someone, she will be annoying.